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50 Ways to Avoid Writing

Close up of an open notebook sitting on a couch with a blue-and-grey pen in the middle. The page on the left contains mostly empty boxes, one of which reads, "9 SUNDAY" and the page on the right is empty and lined.

People always ask me, “Sage, how is it that you have so skillfully refined the art of avoiding writing?” I tell them there is no one simple answer, no quick fix. There’s a lot of little answers, a whole variety of distractions that make up the whole. You have to practice, do a little every day. This is an honest answer, but I recognize it isn’t all that satisfying. That’s why I have decided to compile this list of tips, showing you fifty different things I do in order to avoid writing. I believe that you too, with enough practice, can avoid ever getting any writing done. Don’t expect to get there overnight. It has taken me years to learn how to properly avoid writing. Years. Take it one step at a time. Don’t give up. Pull yourself up by your bootstraps. With guidance from mentors like me and enough dedication, you too can basically never write again.

Please enjoy this list and don’t forget to preorder my e-book, which will be coming to a virtual shelf near you this fall. It will be completely blank.


50 Ways to Avoid Writing

  1. Check Discord. Oh, what was that, a notification? Better check again.
  2. Open Instagram to look for a NaPoWriMo prompt and immediately forget why you opened it.
  3. Build a brand.
  4. See what’s trending on Twitter.
  5. Call your doctor. Get the busy signal. Rinse and repeat.
  6. Do the dishes! There are three dishes, ya’d better do ’em!
  7. Read a novel. Read another.
  8. Play some music to help you focus. No, not that music. Find another playlist. Find another platform. Turn the music off, it’s too distracting. Now it’s too quiet.
  9. Go get a tissue.
  10. Refill your cup of coffee.
  11. Go make some breakfast!
  12. Get a snack. Eat that snack. You can’t write while you’re eating a snack, but you should do something to entertain you and your snack. Open youtube.com.
  13. Get invested in someone else’s drama.
  14. Experience your own drama! Oh no! Ah! (This is ideal as it will prevent you from writing for quite some time).
  15. Google the lyrics for the song you heard yesterday in the convenience store.
  16. Think about how you’ve been using commas wrong for twenty-eight years.
  17. Stare at your blank word doc. Open another tab.
  18. Curl up into a ball on your couch and start crying because the world’s been like this for over a year and you’re tired.
  19. Take some nudes.
  20. Check how many likes your post got. Check again in twenty minutes.
  21. Reread the DM someone sent you three weeks ago shaming you over your writing.
  22. Overly censor yourself. Think about all the different things people could yell at you about. Nitpick your own writing before the call-outs can. Try to get ahead of them.
  23. Remember what it was like to write on trains when you used to ride trains. Think about riding trains again.
  24. Shame yourself for not having published a book yet. Think about how you’ll be thirty in two years. WEEP.
  25. Update your profile, doesn’t matter which one.
  26. Go for a walk. Bring your notebook with you but call your friend to hear the latest gossip instead of write in it.
  27. Ask yourself if perhaps the well is empty.
  28. Allow yourself to relax for once. Take a day off.
  29. Look at the NAKED TREES out the window.
  30. Treat yourself like a machine but forget to oil yourself.
  31. Remember visiting your ex in a cafe and the frothy yellow drink you ordered that he found off-putting. Try to recall the details of your conversation.
  32. Drink some mushroom tea.
  33. Have a little cry about it.
  34. Notice that your friend has left his watch on your mantle.
  35. Remind yourself to write about something other than your childhood.
  36. Light two candles, one for the goddess and one for the god.
  37. Listen to a podcast about cancel culture and get worked up about it.
  38. Wonder when the pandemic will end. Wonder again.
  39. Reach out to a new therapist and ask to be added to their waitlist.
  40. Remember the shitty breakup you went through six months ago.
  41. Feel the barometer change in your head. Ask yourself what to feel instead.
  42. Close your eyes and hear all of the sounds around you. Pull them into pieces.
  43. Read your friend’s thesis.
  44. Think about moving to Montreal. Make a plan. Learn French on Duolingo.
  45. Look at the fog outside the window. Think about how it’s foggy out there and lonely in here.
  46. Ask yourself if this year of lockdowns means you’ve run out of things to write about.
  47. Remember that you have to finish doing your taxes.
  48. Hop in the shower.
  49. Pick up your phone.
  50. Write a list. Ask yourself if that counts. Ask yourself what it means to count.
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Coming Off of T: Transition as Cycle | Zine

It’s officially ready!! Check out the final installment in my zine series below!

Coming Off of T: Transition as Cycle

At 50+ pages, Coming Off of T is the third and final installment of my zine series about transitioning with testosterone. In this one, things come full circle and I delve into the process of stopping hormone replacement therapy: the why, the how, the what, and the when. I am still non-binary. This is not a zine about detransitioning, but rather, going off of hormones and exploring my new relationship with my body and everything that entails.

Order the E-Zine (PDF) | $5.00 CAD

Order the Hardcopy Zine | $8.00 CAD (Includes Shipping)

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“April” | New Poetry Chapbook!

My first collection of poetry is now available! See below for the details.

Screen Shot 2020-05-26 at 11.02.32 AM

April

I participated in National Poetry Writing Month (NaPoWriMo) in April 2019 and again in April 2020, the goal of which is to write thirty poems in thirty days. This 70+ page chapbook collects all of the poems I wrote, laying them out side-by-side for a year-by-year comparison. During these challenges, I experimented with many different prompts, styles, and forms. The poems within capture snapshots of where I was with my writing and as a person in April 2019 and 2020. All of these poems are also available on my Instagram, though they have been re-edited and formatted for this publication.

Order the E-Chapbook (PDF) | $5.00 CAD

Order the Hardcopy Chapbook | $8.00 CAD (Includes Shipping)*
*Temporarily unavailable due to COVID-19.

I also accept trades! Contact me here to work out a non-fiscal alternative.

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1.5 Years on T: My Non-Binary Body, Transition & Ambivalence | Zine

Finally, it’s here! My second zine about transitioning as a non-binary person is now available!

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[Image: small glass bottles of testosterone stacked on top of each other on a window sill. Behind them is a torn screen, a tree, and a cloudy blue sky. Black text below reads, “1.5 Years on T: My Non-Binary Body, Transition & Ambivalence”].

1.5 Years on T: My Non-Binary Body, Transition & Ambivalence

1.5 Years on T is a 40+ page zine about transitioning as a non-binary person. It continues from where One Year on T left off. In it, I grapple with lots of questions and plenty of confusion, showing that my transition has been far from straightforward. I open up about my relationship with my body, navigating all-male spaces, gender expression, beauty standards, privilege, pronouns, next steps for my transition, and more.

Order the E-Zine (PDF) | $5.00 CAD

Order the Hardcopy Zine | $8.00 CAD (Includes Shipping)

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17.22.750 Chapbook

I’ve just published a new chapbook! Details below.

Black text centred over white background that reads, “17.22.750".

17.22.750 Chapbook

What does it mean to be the 26-year-old editor of your 17-year-old self? What does it mean to come back, years later, and publish something never meant to be shared? Can modern-day me consent to publish past me? I suppose I’m going with yes.

17.22.750 is a 35+ page chapbook comprised of approximately 750-word entries I wrote at the ages of 17, 22, and 26. It is about growing up and having lots of questions. These younger versions of me navigate school, work, relationships, heartbreak, existentialism, gender, sexuality, in addition to fear and excitement over an always unknown future. Originally private entries written on 750words.com, from high school to university to adulthood, I spill out the clutter in my head with stark honesty.

Order the Chapbook | $5.00 CAD

Once your payment has been processed, please allow 1-2 business days for me to email you a copy.

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Zine!!!

It’s ready!!!

I am officially publishing my first zine:

20190403_112954
[Aerial shot of a desk with papers and colourful markers on it. The larger paper has two drawings of cartoon people with red hair, one with greenish eyebrows and facial hair and a concerned expression, the other with a red beard and plaid shirt. In-between the two characters is printed text that reads, “One Year on T: On Non-Binary Sex & Transition”]. Drawings by Amory Missios.
 

 

One Year on T: On Non-Binary Sex & Transition

This 30+ page e-zine is about being non-binary and the politics of passing, transitioning, and sex. The poems and essays within capture different stages of my transition, beginning with my coming out process in 2015 and then focusing on my first year of hormone therapy. Much of the content is raw, painful, and difficult to share. I open up about my struggles as a non-passing non-binary person with the medical system, dating, sex and desirability, taking hormones, transphobia, gatekeeping, gender expression, and more.

I have set the price of this e-zine at $5.00. If this is a barrier for you, please contact me to work something else out. Preference will be given to other trans folks and people looking to use it for educational purposes.

Order the Zine | $5.00 CAD

Once your payment has been processed, please allow 1-2 business days for me to email you a copy.